


Hurt

by AbsinthexMind



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, Brother-Sister Relationships, Canonical Character Death, Car Accidents, Character Death, Childhood Trauma, Disabled Character, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Medical Conditions, Murder, Protective Older Brothers, Scars, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 17:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14774094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsinthexMind/pseuds/AbsinthexMind
Summary: Your brother didn't trust him, nobody really did. Being alone in the Twoer every day you found company in Bucky. That companionship turned into something more. That is until you find out a dark secret that makes your blossoming feelings for the Winter Soldier crumble to ash.





	Hurt

“Stop fretting over me Tony. I’m fine!” You hiss at your older brother as you swat his hands away from you and try to carefully get into your wheelchair. “I’ll only have to use this freaking thing for a few more weeks then I’ll be fine!” 

_Fine._ That’s what you tried to convince yourself. You’d be fine knowing your parents had died in the car crash and you had lived. You’d be fine knowing you would never walk normally again and that you’d always have physical scars from that fatal night. You’d be fine knowing that you didn’t exactly remember the crash itself. That you had blacked out on impact. 

What you weren’t fine with was Tony treating you like you were a fragile bird’s egg. Ready to crack with any bump or jostle. 

Of course you understood why he had become the suffocating, overprotective brother. You had been in bad shape by the time someone found the car wreckage. You had lost a lot of blood and many thought you were going to die just like your parents had. Tony had almost lost you. His last remaining family. It was too much losing your mom, but losing you too? It would’ve been too much for him. 

“A few more weeks of still having to be careful.” Tony reminds you firmly, dark eyes burning you as you spied fear and worry in them. He was still in his suit, having raced back from a meeting as he found himself to suddenly be head of Stark Industries. “Or else you’ll have to stay longer using that thin. I know you’re frustrated (y/n). It’s okay. But things aren’t going to be the same.” 

Your fingers dig into the armrests of the wheelchair. Oh yes, you knew that too. It made you hate the pain that shot up your right arm even more. Another thing that had to be mended on your broken body. 

“You’re lucky-” 

“Don’t fucking say it. I’m so sick and tired of people saying I’m lucky to be alive! Not from you Tony.” Hissing you begin to roll yourself away from him. Another headache was coming on and all you wanted to do was drown yourself in pain pills to go to sleep. Pills offered you a black sleep, one that promised no dreams and better yet no nightmares. It was the only solace you were allowed now. You were free from pity, from guilt, from everything that plagued you while you were awake.  
  
  
  
  
*YEARS LATER*  
  
  
  


A limp and scars were what remained after the car crash that had killed your parents. And lots of therapy. Both physical and mental therapy. You thought you had been done with therapy, but after you nearly lost your brother twice you found yourself crawling back to your therapist. It was something you would have to get used to now that he was Iron Man and had joined the Avengers, Earth’s Mightiest heroes. By proxy you had become a sort of mascot for them considering you couldn’t physically join in their missions. Your limp had seen to that. But you were there though for emotional support. You had a family again with them. Even if you couldn’t do much the other Avengers still loved you and insisted that you lived at the tower with the rest of them. You were an honorary Avenger. You thought you had grown accustomed to the surprises that a life like that brought on. 

You were wrong. 

“Ah. . . Who’s this?” You blink owlishly at the man they had presented to you. They had smuggled him in like an illegal good. Everyone casting shifty glances at one another. He looked skittish akin to a feral animal. A dark shadow cast in his eyes and forever glaring with long hair that hadn’t seen a shower in weeks. When his dirty burgundy jacket was removed you saw a metal arm gleam in the sunlight that filtered through the Avengers tower. 

You didn’t dare take a step forward, fearing that you would startle this volatile stranger. Your brother didn’t look happy in the least bit, surly eyes glaring at both Steve and the man next to him. The others were equally on edge. 

Steve clears his throat. “(y/n), this is Bucky Barnes.” 

“ _The_ Bucky Barnes?” You raise an eyebrow. 

Captain America nods, a small smile on his tired face. “The one and only.” 

Bucky appears slightly confused but nevertheless turned his attention back to you. 

Tony cautiously put his hands on your shoulders, preventing you from moving forward if you tried. Fingers tense on your shoulders; you could practically feel the anxiety radiate off of him. “You’ll have to watch yourself around him (y/n).” 

“Tony. . .” Steve’s blue eyes harden. 

“He’s not wrong.” Natasha whispers and looks off to the side. Sam seemed uneasy as well as he shifted weight to his other foot, chewing on the inside of his cheek. If even Sam was nervous then this was indeed serious. 

“I still think it was a terrible idea bringing him here or anywhere near (y/n)!” your brother snarls at a man who he had once called his friend. “You’ve put her in danger bringing. . . _him_.” 

“Okay, what’s going on?” You grab Tony’s hand, trying to comfort him. How bad could Bucky be? You knew that he had been taken by HYDRA; turned into the Winter Soldier. He was here now though so he must be better. . . right? 

So they told you about how he had been accused of the bombings in Vienna, how Bucky was still subject to HYDRA control and still trying to regain his memories. Bucky was indeed dangerous. Someone who could snap at any second. Which was why Tony was so opposed to him being anywhere near you. He was worried for you, someone who couldn’t exactly run away. 

Broken, Steve glances at you. “I’m sorry. But he has nowhere to go. I’m not leaving him again.” 

“It’s okay. I understand.” Smiling weakly you take a cautious step toward Bucky and extend your left hand out for Bucky to take. 

Bucky lifts his metal arm slowly, cold fingers brushing against your warm ones before Tony snatched you away. 

“Tony.” You scold him. 

“I don’t want him touching you with that arm. You haven’t seen what I have (y/n).” 

“I’m a grown woman, Tony.” 

“It’s okay.” Bucky backs away, holding onto his metallic limb with his flesh one. Retracting himself back as if his mere presence would somehow bring you harm. You wrench yourself away from Tony, shoot him a silencing glare before offering Bucky your other arm that had scars running up and down like thick veins. Truth be told they were ugly things that made new people you met squirm; afraid to even take your hand. In the beginning it had offended you, even more so when people would suggest different operations and techniques to get rid of them. 

Chilling pale eyes regard you uncertainly before flicking over to Tony who had his jaw set rigidly in place and dark brown eyes piercing into the Winter Soldier. 

Bringing Bucky’s attention back to you, you smile at him the warmest smile you could come up with. “It’s nice to meet you Bucky.” 

Warm. That’s what his hand felt like in your’s. Warm and gentle, something you wouldn’t have guessed this giant man capable of. 

“It’s nice to meet you too Ms. Stark.” 

Shaking your head you release his hand. “You live here now Bucky. That means your part of our strange family. You can call me (y/n).” 

He didn’t smile, not exactly, but at the genuine friendliness you showed him Bucky’s face softened. You didn’t see the murderous super soldier anymore, only a damaged young man who had seen too much cruelty to last a lifetime. 

Steve smiles at you gratefully and takes Bucky by the shoulder, leading to the elevator. Once they’re gone, Sam heaves a sigh of relief. “Boy, what a mess.” 

Natasha flops onto the couch, a hand covering her eyes probably to soothe the oncoming migraine. They all still had physical indications of the fights they had been in prior to returning to the tower. 

Tony is already at the bar, mixing himself something strong to calm his tempers. “We should’ve just left him.” 

“He said he didn’t do it.” Sam reminded him. 

“Proof enough when Zemo used HYDRA mind control on him.” The red-headed assassin grumbles, the top half of her face still covered by her arm. “Anyone could see that even if he had been responsible it wasn’t his fault.” 

Loud clanking from the bar made you wince. “I could give a rat’s ass if it wasn’t his fault. What I care about is that we brought that ticking time bomb here with (y/n)! What if he snaps and we’re not here? Who’s going to protect (y/n) from him?!” 

“Hey! I’m right here! I can hear you!” Growling you turn on your brother who promptly pours himself another drink. “Why do you assume I can’t protect myself? Because I’m crippled? Because I’m a girl?” 

“Look at yourself (y/n)!” Tony snarls back. “You can’t even walk without limping and just forget about running! You’d fall flat on your face! You can’t even hold a pen steadily in your hand. You’re not a fighter (y/n).” 

Shaking with indignation you storm as best as you could to the elevator. He might’ve just as well said you were useless. 

You smashed your finger against the button to your floor and glare out as the doors slowly closed. 

You hated how he was right.  
  
  
  
  


Every morning you did your exercises that the physical therapist had taught you. Even after all those years you still held hope that may be one day, by some miracle, if you continued on with the exercises you’d be able to walk the way you used to. With purpose. With confidence. 

That last bit of hope you had managed to carry was gone now. You didn’t even bother with them for the weeks to follow. 

You just sat in your room like the damaged, broken, little girl Tony thought you were. You were a grown ass woman yet he still treated you like that sixteen year old girl who had just come back from the hospital. You hadn’t liked it when he treated you like you were so fragile back then, you especially didn’t like it now. 

After a while, Nat decided it was time to drag your ass out of your room with the help of Wanda. 

“Things are tense enough as it is around here. You’re normally the one who saves the day and gets everyone to calm their shit.” Straightforward as ever Natasha sits you down at the kitchen island. Wanda uses her power to take out all the things necessary to make an ice cream sundae. “You know Tony only means well. You also know that he’s stupid and says stupid things when he’s upset.” 

“He’s just so infuriating!” Mood lifting a little when Wanda puts a bowl of pure heaven right in front of you. She’s smiling patiently as she hands one to Natasha as well. The three of you dig in and you momentarily forget about your stubborn brother. 

Natasha pauses, spoon hanging out of her mouth. “You should be careful around Bucky though. He’s getting help, but until he is cured you will have to watch yourself around him.” 

“Healing the wounds that HYDRA has caused is no easy task.” Wanda nodded knowingly. “Especially when they tamper with your mind.” 

That’s when Natasha hands over a sleek gun to you. You stare at it. “I believe you already know how to use this.” 

You stiffly nod. Happy had taught you after the first time you had been kidnapped due to your brother and family’s high status. You were the sister of Iron Man. The sister of the billionaire playboy. Your life would undoubtedly be put in more danger because of Tony and because of the last name you possess. 

“If he is to snap and put you in danger. . .” She didn’t seem to want to finish her sentence. Instead she takes your hands. “You’re not helpless (y/n).” 

The ‘ding’ of the elevator made the three of you turn. Bucky stops when he sees the kitchen is already occupied. You figured he hadn’t been out of his room much either, not with your brother constantly trying to kill him with his glaring. 

Natasha nods in greeting. “James.” 

“Hi Bucky. Want a sundae?” Wanda inquires. 

“No. It’s alright. Just came down to get something to drink.” Bucky awkwardly shuffles his feet. 

You push down whatever negativity you had left. Bucky may have been dangerous, you knew it wasn’t voluntary. “C’mon, join us. My brother isn’t here to glare at you.” 

He looked out of place sitting in the kitchen. His giant frame was meant to be hunting down prey in the wilderness like some sort of bear. Bucky still kept his hair incredibly long, not that you didn’t like it. You thought he looked rather attractive with long, wild, hair. 

After sitting in silence for some time, one by one Natasha and Wanda excuse themselves leaving only you and Bucky to fill the silence. 

You lick the chocolate sauce from your lips. “I’m sorry about Tony’s behavior.” 

Bucky shrugs, continuing to eat his dessert. 

He wasn’t much of a talker. That was okay. Unlike Tony with his loud, obnoxious parties that he used to throw frequently, you preferred silence. The accident had made you quite testy concerning people constantly asking you if you were okay. You learned to appreciate the moments when you were by yourself, no one talking to you. 

The rigidness of his shoulders melted off. He seemed to not mind the silence either.  
  
  
  
  


Eventually small conversations began to bloom between the two of you. In the elevator or in the hall, Bucky would stop and say something to you. Another month passed (with you still not speaking to your brother) and now Bucky was keeping you company while everyone else was out. Once the coast was clear he’d emerge from his room and seek you out. He was starting to talk more and tell you more about himself; at least what he could remember. 

One day while you were making pancakes for breakfast you noticed Bucky’s stare on your arms. He had never asked you about them, probably to be polite. 

“I got them in a car accident when I was a teenager.” You say while flicking your wrist, spatula flipping the browning pancake. “My limp too. My parents didn’t make it.” 

“I’m sorry. . .” Bucky’s flesh fingers touch his metal arm as if recalling his own accident that had took it. You had heard the original story from Steve who recalled it vividly. 

You shrug. “They’re just scars. I’m still alive.” 

More quiet as the sweet smell tickled your nose and made your mouth water. You’re about to ask him how many he wanted when you feel something caress the scars on your arm. 

The pad of Bucky’s figner. 

Wide eyed you look at him. Bucky seemed equally surprised by his own actions. 

“Do they still hurt?” 

“Sometimes. . . I think it’s more of a phantom hurt though.” Blushing you try to strangle your rapidly beating heart into submission. “W-What about your arm?” 

“Sometimes.” 

More than words lingered after that. Touches and gazes that made you feel like a teenage girl again. It was hard to hide the attraction. Everyone saw it, even your brother. 

“So, what’s going on between you and the Manchurian Candidate?” 

“What?” You knew Tony had nicknames for nearly all of the Avengers. Guess Bucky was no exception. 

Arms crossed he tried to appear like the intimidating older brother. “Oh come on! It’s clear that you two eye fuck each other, which is disgusting enough considering you’re my sister, but with Barnes? (y/n)-” 

“Okay stop. This overprotective big brother thing has got to stop! I am not a maiden in need of defending. If I ever want your protection I’ll tell you. I’m not helpless. Bucky isn’t as dangerous as you think.” 

That made him roll his eyes. “You’re just blinded (y/n).” 

“I’m not a child anymore Tony. And I’m not helpless either.” Revealing the gun that Natasha had given you, you look your brother square in the eyes. “Not that I think Bucky would snap, but it’s always good to have a backup. And whatever is happening between me and Bucky-not that I’m saying there is anything!- is between me and Bucky. I know what he’s done. I know what he’s struggling with. I know who he really is. He is James Buchanen Barnes. Steve’s best friend. You know Bucky wasn’t responsible for the bombing. Zemo framed him.” 

Exasperated, Tony runs his fingers through his already tousled hair. “You just. . . You just don’t understand (y/n).” 

“Help me to understand then Tony.” 

He opens his mouth, words cut off by Steve and Bucky barging in. 

“We need to go.” Steve looks at Tony. “HYDRA has more Winter Soldier operatives. If Zemo escapes he could use them. We need to go and destroy them.” 

Tony hesitates, glancing at you briefly before nodding. “Alright. Lets go.” 

You watch them as they leave you alone. Bucky stops to look over his shoulder back at you. You waved at him with a small smile. The first smile he had ever shown you. It made you giddy. To think that Bucky finally trusted you enough to put down his guard. Slowly but surely he was starting to get back into who he used to be. Before the war and before HYDRA. Back to the Bucky that Steve had known. 

Of course he’d never be exactly the same, not after the hell he had been through. But he could try and move on.  
  
~~  
  


“(y/n).” 

“Bucky” you pause the movie you had been watching “you’re b- . . . What’s wrong? Where’s Tony?” 

He looked terrible. That haunted shadow was back in his crystal blue eyes again, just like when you had first met him. Scuffed up and slightly bloodied, he slowly advances toward you. 

“What’s wrong? Where’s Tony?” You repeat and stand up. 

“I had to see you before I left. . . And” he swallows hard “and tell you. . .” 

You were scared now. Why was he leaving? And where was your brother? A part of you feared that Bucky had snapped and hurt him. 

“I’m so sorry (y/n).” 

“Tell me what’s going on Bucky.” Trying to keep your voice calm you feel your lips quiver. Your mind kept going back to Tony. 

Bucky averts his gaze for a moment, eyes reddened from the effort of suppressing tears. “The car crash, the one that killed your parents. . . I did it. . .” 

You nearly banged your shin against the corner of the coffee table. Unable to believe what he was telling you. “Wh-What?” 

His hand goes to his chest. “I, or rather HYDRA made me, orchestrate the crash to kill you and your parents. Mainly your parents. Your father had come close to recreating his super soldier serum. I was ordered to retrieve it.” 

“But. . . Y-You couldn’t have. It’s. . . It’s. . .” Impossible. You wanted to say impossible as your fingers ran along the scars on your arm. The events of the crash were a complete haze to you. Hand shakingly going to your head as you felt for the other scar that was hidden by your hair. Bucky’s frantic voice became muffled as you tried to think back to all those years ago. So many years. Back to that dark night where you had been dozing in the back seat. The sudden acceleration that alerted your body that something was wrong had made you open your eyes. Long enough to see the car ram head on into a tree. Your body violently lunging forward as your head banged harshly against your mother’s seat and then crashing into the window. 

After that. . . 

The sound of your mother crying. Your father pleading. Numbness in your arm and pain in your legs. Warmth of blood trickling down and soaking into your clothes. 

“(y/n), I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

“Did you remember this entire time?” 

Your mother had died with your name on her lips. 

Tears distorted Bucky’s face. “Did you know when you met me that you had nearly killed me?!” 

“You know I had no control of myself. I was a mindless puppet.” Baritone filled with so much regret and desperation all you could think about was the pain you had endured after you awoke in the hospital. 

With clouded eyes you stare Bucky down. “Get out of here.” 

Sorrow etched itself in every crevice of Bucky’s handsome features. The face you had stared at longingly when you thought he wasn’t looking. Those teasing, full lips that begged you to kiss him. “Please. . .” 

“Get out of here before Tony returns.” You couldn’t look at him. Torn between love and hate. Love always got the best of you. You knew if Tony returned and Bucky was still here the Tower would turn into a blood bath. The least you could do was give your parent’s murderer a head start. The man you had unintentionally fallen in love with. 

You saw the struggle within the Winter Soldier. Wanting to stay here with you yet having to flee before your brother returned. 

“Buck.” Came Steve’s voice suddenly and you were glad that it distracted Bucky so you could quickly wipe the tears from your eyes. He had probably been gathering things from their rooms. “She’s right. We need to leave. Now. Tony has probably gotten a hold of the other’s and told them.” 

Heavy footsteps fall away from you as Bucky sullenly heads to the elevator. Steve watches him, handing him a bag as he passes him. Before joining Bucky, Steve steps over to you. 

He presses his lips together, uncertain of what to tell you or even how to begin on consoling you. Time was something they didn’t have though. No matter how much Steve wanted to comfort you. Steve holds out an old flip phone to you. One of those prepaid burn phones. 

“If you ever need us (y/n). . . Bucky. . . He really-” 

You shake your head. “Please. Just go.” Still you took the phone from him. 

Steve nods and joins Bucky in the elevator. Doors slowly closing, giving you the chance to get one last look at Bucky as he held your gaze.


End file.
